Yup! I am one big ‘jealous’ mom! And it has helped me a lot in bringing up my children the way I wish them to grow.
One of the rare tips I share during parenting seminars is “Be a jealous Mom (or Dad)”.
Like the others, you’d probably raise your eyebrows or twitch your nose. Jealousy, I believe, is tagged as a negative trait. But I’ve been used to looking at negative things happening and somehow converting it into a positive one. Be a solo parent and you’ll learn that, too. But for now, it’s a different story…hahaha!
Going back to being a jealous mom, everyone would assume that jealousy can be a nerve-wracking stuff which has caused many relationships to break. It’s like poison that creeps between couples, sibling or even friends. It’s the devil whispering malicious thoughts, urging you to do detective work, doubt every explanation as alibis, and eventually push you to tie people to your side or cage them.
In short, it’s the green-eyed monster which can grow within yourself!
But I like green. To me it symbolizes growth, harvest and energy. So I decided to convert that green-eyed monster into a lovable green-eyed mother!
Thoughts to ponder:
* Be selfishly ‘jealous’. Don’t turn your kids over to some other parent for nurturing. Don’t share them with other parents, as in “I don’t like washing nappies, putting infants to sleep or feeding babies. Can you do that for me?”
Because if you do that, don’t have tantrums if your kids prefer other people to be with. Babies are smart, too. They know genuine when they see one!
* Try your best to be’ jealously’ smart. Moms are the kids’ first teacher. Home is their first school. We don’t want our children asking other people about the birds and the bees, the sound of ABCs and how things are done, do we? ‘Cause if they grow up learning from other people, we can’t undo any harm or damage that can arise from mislearned lessons.
We are the better judge on what is best for our kids; not our neighbors! Moreover, we earn our children’s respect and admiration if they know they can count on us to help them with homeworks, projects …and later on, personal concerns.
There is fun in continuous learning. We can learn together with our kids, learn more for their well-being by attending parenting forums, reading parenting books and sharing with other conscientious parents. Anything that is worth having is well worth working for. And our children’s future is worth all the sacrifices, believe me!
* Be a jealous friend. From toddler stage ’til adolescence, friends will drop in and out of our children’s lives. Some will stay a bit longer than the others. But what remains certain is that we can be the very best friend that our children can ever have … for life! Others can be just second best. How about that???? How could we earn that most prestigious title? VBFFL? Very Best friend for life?
It’s really simple. Be that. Be the VBFFL of our children and let them be our VBFFL, too!
There are times when we have to stop being a parent and just be a friend. Authority is one thing. Accommodation is another. Let’s be there for our kids whether they’re up or down, laughing or crying, winning or losing. Let us be the shoulder they’ll want to cry on, the first they’ll share good news with and someone with whom they can share their every thought, every dream and even every pain.
They will have other friends, yes. But we don’t have to shoo them away. We just have to learn from them, too; and to do that, we have to know our children’s friends. Make them our friends, too. That way, nothing goes past us. We gain insights into our children’s perimeter of friends. And when our kids become comfortable with us, we can rest assure that our advice will be heard and respected.
Let’s identify our children’s individual differences and treat each one according to their uniqueness. Nothing is difficult if we are going to set our mind to it.
The seeds I’ve planted with jealousy are now turning into giant trees …and I’m starting to bask in the sunlight; shaded by the leaves of the trees I planted.
So, perhaps you are a ‘jealous’ Mom, too? You’ll soon reap the rewards even if you haven’t been praying for it. And they’re going to love you even more when you’re old and grey!
[A story from Life Bus, 2012]